once upon a time, a love life

once upon a time a girl fell for me
she craved the closeness of the tides to the shore just like she
wanted me in ways i'll never know
so i figured why not
i'd always been curious so why not give her a try
we had a lovely ride
we were a secret kiss in a big, Christian forest of her father's
world
and he hated the love mark on her neck she failed to hide
and i know she tried to lie but he likely hated me too
the pressured caved in and i eroded,
i left.


once upon a time i fell for a boy
after two rejections that truly weren't as cold as they felt
in desperation, i tried hard to love him and it did
his fortunes weren't so grand
his feelings half-heartedly returned
we had a rocky ride
screams and arguements between each hug and kiss
not of the two of us
but of my brother and the boy i clung to
eventually i could not deal with their back and forth banter
and as the boy grew farther from me, not batting a glance some days,
i left.


once upon a time i was a princess in a storybook
on a winter wonderland vacation sent from the heavens,
i met a boy so gracious
he played cello and was nearly 6 foot
a shy boy with knowledge of the advanced academics, but not a girl's heart
and i fell very hard for the prince
we had a quiet ride
for two months we sent virtual message after message
i didn't see him in person since the new year, or his parents whom i also met
it was more of a long-distance crush
slowly, i realized my lonely days were saved by my boy best friend
and without warning, i realized my heart was with him all along,
i left.


once upon a time, i didn't realize what was to come
my best friend turned lover was a faintly-felt emotion
that blossomed over time into a beautiful, unimaginable truth
we gave each other everything and everything was recieved in return
we loved so hard and unconditionally, we left our full bloomed hearts in another's hands
i fell like i had never fallen before
we had a very long ride
soon there were doubts, but
eventually, i was wavering just like i said i wouldn't
i broke promise after promise and i treated him like a go-to guy
an option, whatever i needed or wanted, whenever
and soon enough, my monstrosity caught up with me, he gathered his guts and set aside his fears
and let go of me.


once upon a time, a spider spun me into her web
for an on and off half-year i was in her grasp
after she had barely glanced at me once and said she felt something for me
i was a pathetic, unloyal and unfaithful mess
i chased her some days and some days i layed with him like i should have always
i fell for her, so blind
we didn't have a ride
she told me she didn't "think of me that way" and that she was "sorry" that i thought that
even though for all that time she held me wrapped around her finger, flirts endless and
affections clear, so it seemed, and so others said.
it wasn't until the night she told me those things
that i realized where my heart was, it was with him the entire time. i let her out of my life and i finally
let myself go.


once upon a time, i was all alone
for many a day i cried each morning when my eyes opened
and i cried each night as i closed them to sleep
my best friend had took my only true love's heart
and had her own little ride
i fell for no one but the blades and pills
my ride nearly fell off the railtracks
when on my brother's seventeenth birthday, i almost ended my life
my mother's wisdom and words came at just the right time, when i was falling apart against my bedroom floor
i learned to keep a hold on my outer presence, and made myself seem alright
soon, i found i couldn't keep my words to myself after many a night i crumbled and tore
i let the secret out that the two people once closest to me were having a secret love, and surprisingly
the world let me go.


once upon a time, things took a turn for the best
when i found solace in the lives of my two new friends
and upon a mistaken phone call, i found his ears to be a beacon
i shouted all my heart's secrets and clothed cries into
and somehow, in a miracle
he fell again, like magic
we got back into the coaster
he told me "there's something about you... you dug a hole in my heart and buried yourself there. i couldn't get rid of you, even if i wanted to."
he told me "i love you." after many i "still" love you's
he let go of her for me after many a day of such secret affections
i let all my pain leave me
and though times are still hard, and it's not easy to transition to this kind of beauty right again, i will remember a promise we made in which words were exchanged

"i'll never let go of you. i love you."
"no, you can't ever let me go. even if i try, if i want to. don't let me."

_{once upon a time, all things come to an end
i saw myself kneeling at the foot of death's bed,
asking for mercy, for love and for happiness
and death looked to me, only to say
that i am my own keeper
.}